What fresh hell is this?
I started this blog in the hopes of sharing anxiety I've gone through with the benefit of hindsight. I thought I had a pretty decent handle on my brain at this point. I may have been wrong. Dating apps aren't something I've ever considered before. I was unprepared. It turns out I have more issues with them than actually talking to real life women.
Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. One easy flick of the thumb. One smiling face after another sorted into some random pile as a hard drive somewhere fills with data on my preferences. For every single person that whizzes by, I felt a kind of compounding loneliness. This was not how I wanted to meet someone.
A) Only 1 out of every 100 photos of me turn out what I would consider "acceptable" and these are used to create the first impression. (Starting off on the backfoot already) B) Once you "Match" with someone you can message them. As much as I use texts and messengers to communicate with my friends every day, I find it so limiting in regards to tone without the use of emoticons. I've never been charmed by a text. I've sent messages that have said one thing while not actually feeling what I've said. (Yes, I'm more than happy to cover that shift meaning I'll be in for 8 days straight, no problem :) )
And therein lies the rub. There's an immediacy with an actual conversation. As much as I joke about being a shut-in with the social graces of a rabid possum, I genuinely love talking to people. (One on one, I'm not great in a group. More on that at some point) If the conversation is going well, you know. If it isn't, well, you know. There is no real-life equivalent to "Left as Read", which to the anxious can play righteous havoc with your imagination.
My experience with Tinder, the dating app, has made me physically throw my iPod away from me in the hopes that its proximity to me was somehow connected to my heart rate. ("Be still, my beating heart" this is not) I've found that a little alarming as over the years I've managed to get a handle on the more physical "cringing" that occurs when I've experienced/remembered something I dislike.
I have a few friends that have used the app and have found it to be, if not enjoyable, rewarding. I have no doubt that it works for thousands of people and I couldn't be happier. But it's the most recent incarnation of anxiety I've experienced and I felt it was worth talking about for a bit. I've done what I've done with most things that bring on the negative mindset and deleted it. I'll do what I've always done, be single until I'm not. (I'm pretty sure that's exactly how it works)
Regardless of your relationship status, you are not alone.
Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. One easy flick of the thumb. One smiling face after another sorted into some random pile as a hard drive somewhere fills with data on my preferences. For every single person that whizzes by, I felt a kind of compounding loneliness. This was not how I wanted to meet someone.
A) Only 1 out of every 100 photos of me turn out what I would consider "acceptable" and these are used to create the first impression. (Starting off on the backfoot already) B) Once you "Match" with someone you can message them. As much as I use texts and messengers to communicate with my friends every day, I find it so limiting in regards to tone without the use of emoticons. I've never been charmed by a text. I've sent messages that have said one thing while not actually feeling what I've said. (Yes, I'm more than happy to cover that shift meaning I'll be in for 8 days straight, no problem :) )
And therein lies the rub. There's an immediacy with an actual conversation. As much as I joke about being a shut-in with the social graces of a rabid possum, I genuinely love talking to people. (One on one, I'm not great in a group. More on that at some point) If the conversation is going well, you know. If it isn't, well, you know. There is no real-life equivalent to "Left as Read", which to the anxious can play righteous havoc with your imagination.
My experience with Tinder, the dating app, has made me physically throw my iPod away from me in the hopes that its proximity to me was somehow connected to my heart rate. ("Be still, my beating heart" this is not) I've found that a little alarming as over the years I've managed to get a handle on the more physical "cringing" that occurs when I've experienced/remembered something I dislike.
I have a few friends that have used the app and have found it to be, if not enjoyable, rewarding. I have no doubt that it works for thousands of people and I couldn't be happier. But it's the most recent incarnation of anxiety I've experienced and I felt it was worth talking about for a bit. I've done what I've done with most things that bring on the negative mindset and deleted it. I'll do what I've always done, be single until I'm not. (I'm pretty sure that's exactly how it works)
Regardless of your relationship status, you are not alone.
What if they were the one?
There's no such thing. We find someone that makes us happy for the most part and compromise on the rest.
There's no such thing. We find someone that makes us happy for the most part and compromise on the rest.
That's fucking grim. You're taking on a real analytical "Evil Robot" bad guy vibe right now.
It's realistic. And I don't mean it as a negative. Compromise is a wonderful thing, it shows you're willing to change for someone you care about.
I'm upgrading you to "Neutral Robot".
That's all I ever wanted.
Did you just teach me a lesson?
Wouldn't dream of it.
It's realistic. And I don't mean it as a negative. Compromise is a wonderful thing, it shows you're willing to change for someone you care about.
I'm upgrading you to "Neutral Robot".
That's all I ever wanted.
Did you just teach me a lesson?
Wouldn't dream of it.
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